Life has a way of showing us who we will be – why things had to go the way they did. It all adds up and makes a great deal of sense as we reach these places of clarity. When we reach these places, it doesn’t mean that everything has become clear and is now simple… easy. That’s not the case at all. But certain aspects do become clear, amid all the other stuff we haven’t figured out yet.
Clarity often comes after a storm or a season of darkness.
Several years ago, this was the case for me, for sure. If there is such a thing as ‘losing oneself’ that’s exactly what happened. I was unrecognizable to myself. Family and friends were worried about me. I needed help and didn’t even know what help I needed. I felt small, nearly non-existent. However, I had a few “walking buddies” who kept an eye on me and made sure I knew I wasn’t alone – that I was seen. My mom, my best friend, another sister-friend, my aunt, my daughter, and my therapist were all with me, even when I didn’t fully comprehend or recognize their presence, or how much I needed them.
What I did recognize, at the time, was the power of faith, music, and stories. Other people’s stories reminded me that my experiences and feelings weren’t mine alone. While no one shared my exact experience, everyone has “stuff.” Struggle and hardship are universal. No one is exempt.
My final “walking buddy” has walked with me for as long as I can remember. My journal. Or I should say, journals, notebooks, plural. I wrote poems, journal entries, prayers – all of it.
Today, I can truly say that I owe my life to faith, family, friends, good counsel, written expression, musicians, authors, poets, and others who shared their truth in a way that resonated with me.
When I say it felt absolutely miraculous to look around one day and see that I had made it to the other side of what I had been walking through for over a decade, I kid you not. I was so amazed and so grateful. I literally thought I wasn’t going to make it. Now, safely on the other side of it all, I began to consider others who had been through or were currently going through anything like what I’d been through. They might feel the same way I had. Helpless. Hopeless. Alone. Small. Barely Existing. Scared. They might be wondering how they could possibly make it to the other side of what they were going through.
It was this thought that inspired me to write the first poem I’d written in years – Cast Iron Butterflies. This poem became the cornerstone for the entire collection, published in the spring of 2019. Once published, I had a couple of opportunities to share my poetry and my story with others at author events. After one of these events, several attendees let me know how my words - my story - had impacted them. A few people wrote similar sentiments as book reviews on Amazon.
This all combined into one of those rare moments of clarity for me. I needed to find a way to help others get to the other side of whatever they were currently walking through. I would help those who had stopped walking and were just “hanging in there” because they didn’t know what else to do. And what I felt deep in my heart, was a call to help those who desperately need help, know they need help, but don’t know what help they need, let alone how to access that help.
Years later, I’m now a certified CBT life coach, specializing in empowerment, self-care, and mindfulness. I am honored to be seen as a “walking buddy,” helping my clients learn new ways to care for and nurture themselves while taking steps toward that finish line, no matter how impossible it may seem.
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